“Spiral Past”
Watercolor on Paper – 18″x24″
These times of quarantine has taught me a lot. I was respectful of my feelings and my odd behaviors. I forgave myself a lot for not being on top of things, for loosing it at times and for getting emotional at random hours. I over indulged here and there. I prioritized projects that had nothing to do with my goals. At the same time, I felt guilty for not communicating with you often enough, not creating art for weeks and weeks. Then I forgave myself for that feeling too.
I realize I’m not alone in this experience. So many of us were thrown into that spiral of everything that’s going on in the world.
I believe that everything that happens to me, is there to serve me in some way or another. It doesn’t happen TO ME, if happens FOR ME. That doesn’t mean I understand right away what the scope of each experience is. Sometimes it takes me days to look back and see how a certain life experience has served me for the better, sometimes it takes years.
I don’t think I’ll quite know any time soon what transformation and insights this crazy year of 2020 will bring me or the world. The message I received from it is to listen, to absorb and to internalize. I don’t really men listen to the news because that has proven to drive me insane. I mean listen to yourself. Out of all your life experiences, what is it that really drives you? What truly matters to you? How has your life served you so far? What relationships that you created matter to you the most? How can you honor every little experience you’ve gone through? What kind of environment you really want to be a part of?
This painting came to me on a whim. I’ve been enjoying doing art without much planning, letting the painting tell me what it wants to become. It’s looking back at my years since birth and sheltering them, celebrating the person I am today due to all the past years of my life. But it’s also a look into all the women who influenced my path, my mother, my grandmothers and great-grandmothers. A deep dive into that infinite spiral that never stops spinning.
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