Letting Go

Every week, I’ll create an Art piece, without restrictions, without planning, without much thought to its completion. The material used can be any, the time spent on it can be any (as long as it fits within the week), the only rule is to Trust and to Let Go.

Months ago, I found out that I have fibroids. My uterus has four significantly-sized ones. The symptoms that can accompany them when they get large have been slowly invading my daily life. The doctor suggested that I remove my uterus, but I felt at a loss on what to do. Not another surgery! – that’s what I kept telling myself, knowing well what the path to recovery can do to someone. I’ve had my share of them with my hearing loss troubles.

This time, it had to do with my womanhood – My Wombmanhood. Without wanting to just give in to the idea of going straight into surgery, I instead researched whatever I could on alternative solutions. I did what I believed to be the minimum requirement for a path to better health. I changed my diet, I exercised more often, and I began to meditate.

This is how I do things when trouble comes my way. I’m a roll-up-your-sleeves kind of person. I need tangible plans. I need to know I can take care of it. There’s gotta be a way… there always is.

Said search for optimum health proved to be exhausting and frustrating, and I felt defeated and overwhelmed by the amount of women who suffer from it and eventually ended up having a hysterectomy.
It was through meditation, coaching, and therapy that I slowly discovered that I was so focused on finding a way to control this growth inside of me, that I never stopped to pay real attention to my present self. I realized it was okay to feel hopeless and ask for guidance of the Divine.

IIf I believe that everything that happens to me, happens for a reason AND it serves me, then this has to apply to everything, including my fibroids.

So, instead of the question being “Why me?” or “How can I fix it?” the question changed to “How can this serve me?” or “What is the message I’m not paying attention to?”

In one of my latest meditations, I asked my Wise Woman for a sign on what I should do during these troubled days, and the message that came to me was: “Trust” and “Let Go.”

This got me thinking for a while, because it’s very hard for me to just let things go. I’ve been through so much hardship that my immediate reaction to obstacles is to always figure out a way to get through it. But that can lead to missing the real lesson.

I found this to be true even with my Art. I have such a strong vision of how I want a certain piece to present to me, that I have a hard time liberating myself into my own expression and, more often than not, I don’t even start the project or I give up in the middle of it.

So the exercise of “Trust” and “Let Go” begins with my Art. It begins here, for as long as it needs to be. I don’t know what will come of it, but it doesn’t matter. I’m accepting it fully for what it is.

Weekly Art: